Why Does My Boyfriend Pee Outside?

Aim high, boys.

Hey guys - My boyfriend and I like to go out on weekends to bars and clubs. But every time he gets hammered he wants to pee outside the bar, or in the grass when we're walking back to our apartment. It's really weird. It's like he can't wait to find a bathroom, or doesn't want to, so he just goes wherever he wants. Why? We're not in college anymore. Jesse, please tell me you don't do this, right? It's disgusting! How do I make him stop! --Anonymous, 24

Jessie says: I've seen my fair share of men peeing outside, both in fiction and in real life. The real life incidents never amuse me (homeless men on Hollywood Blvd. with their wangs out aren't that charming), but there are so many scenes in movies of guys peeing on things that are funny. This is a great one:


My favorite, of course, is this scene from "War of the Roses" where Michael Douglas talks about how he's going to "piss on the fish" at a dinner party, and then you actually see him peeing... on fish... while standing on a chair above the oven. Such a lost classic. [I'm sure I'm forgetting some. If you can think of more movie pee scenes, please feel free to add them to the comments.]

I never really understood why men do this; I don't know if it's a convenience thing, or if it's something their lazy dads had them do when they were younger that just stuck. Regardless, it's disgusting and unfair to boot. Maybe the reason women are so repulsed by it is because deep down we secretly wish we were able to do it ourselves, but our instruments don't allow us to get away with it.

'Anonymous,' sadly, you're not alone. Women everywhere have tried to prevent their boyfriends from peeing outside, and few have been able to change the pattern. I'm afraid it's something you're just going to have to live with. Tell him that if he's gonna do it to make it so you don't have to see the waterworks. Or just don't go out with him when he gets plastered. Either way.

 

Kyle says:  Peeing in the shower, peeing in the sink, peeing outside. When they asked me why I did it, I said it's like climbing Everest: "Because it's there!"

Look ladies, don't hate because you can't mark your territory. Look at it this way: more and more men have been rocking the metrosexual look in recent years. And even more have learned that that traditional 'manly' way of approaching family, work, and relationships was a counterproductive fraud invented by repressed dudes in the 50's. So we're evolving. This is a good thing.

But while the old emotional and psychological trappings associated with being a guy can and should be deconstructed, certain biological aspects of being a man are not only here to stay, they're here to be celebrated. Namely - we can pee standing up. I think what you're seeing is that as men feel the pressure to grow up, connect with their emotions, and drop the macho posing that was once associated with masculinity, they're 'rebelling' by doing the the things that only men can do. Or, maybe we just LIKE peeing on stuff.

Guys, back me up here, one way or the other. Because I'm NOT willing to admit that it's JUST a sign of immaturity. Women use that argument all the time, and it can't explain EVERYTHING.

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