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What Would Jessie Do? | You Have Questions, We Have Answers
Why Does My Boyfriend Want to See Osama's Dead Body So Badly?
The real question is: What does Kim Jong Il think about all of this?
Dear Jessie and Kyle, My boyfriend and I don't usually see eye-to-eye on politics, so it was nice to feel united for once when they announced we'd gotten Osama. But it didn't last long, because they're not releasing the photos of his dead body, so my boyfriend is back to calling liberals wussies. I don't get it - the same kind of conservatives have a hissy fit if they see a split-second of Janet Jackson's nipple at the Super Bowl half-time show, but they want to see a guy's head blown apart? Don't tell me it's because they want proof, because my boyfriend believes Osama's dead. He just really wants to see the photo.
Jessie says: Truthfully, I have no interest in seeing the photo. Remember when someone took video of Saddam Hussein getting hanged, and it spread across the internet like wildfire? I waited three years to watch it because it seemed too grotesque and too gruesome. But before you write a million emails telling me how nasty Osama bin Laden was and why I need to see the picture, let me explain.
Bin Laden was a horrible human being. He deserved what he got. But can't it just be enough to know that it happened? Why do we have to see a body, or photo evidence, to be sure that our government is telling the truth? And even if they DID release the photo, conspiracy theorists out there would say, "It's fake." So really, what the hell is the point? It's like the people who believe the moon landing never actually happened. Even though there is video EVIDENCE that it did, they think the shadows on the moon were pointing the wrong direction, or wind was blowing the flag which is impossible in space. (These points were proven wrong, by the way. As far as the wind thing, the American flag was blowing because the astronauts were walking past and moving the flag. But I digress.)
A horrible person in the world is gone, and we feel catharsis. Isn't that enough? Why does it always have to be something? Can't we all just be glad that this awful human being will no longer be a part of any of our lives, and leave the photo evidence alone?
(And although I don't necessarily want to see the picture, Jon Stewart makes a pretty good case as to why it should be released.)
Guys, if your blood-lust is getting in the way of real lust, you need to tame your inner caveman. You don't want the Middle East action to keep you from getting action in the bedroom. Smarten up, and save heated political arguments for good friends who won't be emotionally invested when you denigrate their views over a beer. Personally, I've never understood how couples on opposite sides of the political fence get along. I could never do it, because I WANT to talk politics with the person I'm swapping DNA with. And I also want to destroy people when I debate them. So, the two shall never mix.
Back to the photos. People, if you REALLY have an issue with not seeing the photos, take a gander at the ones Reuters released of the bin Laden compound, complete with the dead bloody corpses of the enemy KIAs. You really want more of this? Come on. We got him. It's over.
Let us know what you think. Should Osama's dead body come between two lovers? Is that the weirdest question ever written?
Does Bad Grammar Ruin Sexting?
"You're" vs. "Your," some people will never get it right.
I guess you could say I'm into 'sexting.' I like to talk dirty over text messages, probably because I'm so bad at it in-person. And right now I'm with a guy who likes it too, but there's a problem: he has horrible spelling and grammar. He's always saying stuff like, "Your so hot." Maybe I'm lame for caring about the difference between 'your' and 'you're' but it totally takes me out of the mood. We'll be getting really into it, and then he'll misspell a big word, and I cringe. Am I the only one who lets bad grammar ruin sexting? --Carlie, 22
Jessie says: Well, we caught and killed Osama. So I guess it's back to sex questions? Life goes on...
I try to be a grammar purist. I avoid texting and emailing with people who have terrible grammar and spelling when I can help it. I'd even go so far as to NOT date someone who has poor spelling and grammar. If they can't tell the difference between 'you're' and 'your,' or 'their,' 'there,' and 'they're,' it's the end of the line.
I had a friend who was so poor with spelling that when we chatted on AIM, I always thought she was drunk. But she wasn't. She just had problems with the King's English.
So now you can see, Carlie, you're (correct spelling) a woman after my own heart. I enjoy the occasional sex text as well, and if someone effed up the grammar, I'd kick them to the curb faster than Charlie Sheen can say 'winning.'
I think you should dump this guy. I'm sorry if that makes me sound cruel, but I think one of the most telling signs of a person's intelligence is the extra attention they put into the way they write. Save your valuable monthly texts for someone who cares as much about grammar as you do.
Kyle says: This is an interesting debate, since 'sexting' isn't even a word, but I get it. I think the real issue is, one of you doesn't give a crap because you're in the heat of the moment, and you don't want to take the time to deal with your phone's auto-correct (boyfriend). While the other person...that would be you, Carlie...is insecure about talking dirty in the first place, so the slightest thing throws you off.
I think you should get over it, and just be dirty, because it's not like this guy is trying to be ghetto. He just doesn't care, or even know that it bothers you. But that's not really good advice, because if you could get over it, you would.
How about this: does your boyfriend's crap spelling happen in all his messages, or just the sexting ones? I'm guessing it's all the time. So, tell him to deal, but without bringing up the issue of how it throws you off when you're trying to be playful. That could make HIM feel insecure. Make it an issue about texting, not sexting, and see what happens. No need to dump him for his week grammer just yet. (Get it?)
What do people think? Is dirty talk really the right time to split hairs?
Jessie says: Well, we caught and killed Osama. So I guess it's back to sex questions? Life goes on...
I try to be a grammar purist. I avoid texting and emailing with people who have terrible grammar and spelling when I can help it. I'd even go so far as to NOT date someone who has poor spelling and grammar. If they can't tell the difference between 'you're' and 'your,' or 'their,' 'there,' and 'they're,' it's the end of the line.
I had a friend who was so poor with spelling that when we chatted on AIM, I always thought she was drunk. But she wasn't. She just had problems with the King's English.
So now you can see, Carlie, you're (correct spelling) a woman after my own heart. I enjoy the occasional sex text as well, and if someone effed up the grammar, I'd kick them to the curb faster than Charlie Sheen can say 'winning.'
I think you should dump this guy. I'm sorry if that makes me sound cruel, but I think one of the most telling signs of a person's intelligence is the extra attention they put into the way they write. Save your valuable monthly texts for someone who cares as much about grammar as you do.
Kyle says: This is an interesting debate, since 'sexting' isn't even a word, but I get it. I think the real issue is, one of you doesn't give a crap because you're in the heat of the moment, and you don't want to take the time to deal with your phone's auto-correct (boyfriend). While the other person...that would be you, Carlie...is insecure about talking dirty in the first place, so the slightest thing throws you off.
I think you should get over it, and just be dirty, because it's not like this guy is trying to be ghetto. He just doesn't care, or even know that it bothers you. But that's not really good advice, because if you could get over it, you would.
How about this: does your boyfriend's crap spelling happen in all his messages, or just the sexting ones? I'm guessing it's all the time. So, tell him to deal, but without bringing up the issue of how it throws you off when you're trying to be playful. That could make HIM feel insecure. Make it an issue about texting, not sexting, and see what happens. No need to dump him for his week grammer just yet. (Get it?)
What do people think? Is dirty talk really the right time to split hairs?
[Got a question you'd like answered? Email us at wouldjessie@wouldjessie.com, or just write your question in the comments. And be sure to check out our Twitter feed.]
Does Anyone Actually Care About the Royal Wedding?
Whatever.
The royal wedding went down this morning, and a lot of people couldn't care less. But that's not true of one of our reader's girlfriends...
Hey guys, I know there's all this royal wedding hype going on, but truthfully, I don't really care. My girlfriend on the other hand, is OBSESSED with it. She's been reading every news story online, and she even had a party at 4 AM to watch it on TV! What is the deal? And the weird thing is, I remember my mom being really into Princess Diana. My girlfriend obviously cares about the royal wedding, but do other people? I mean, is she one of the few Americans who actually gives a crap? --Jack, 30
Jessie says: Well, Jack, sadly... I think your girlfriend is not the only person in this country who actually cares about the wedding. I personally don't care about it. I happened to be awake as it was going down on TV, so I had it on in the background. But the royals are pretty useless, and I will never understand people's fascination with them. They're a bunch of over-privileged stuffed shirts who symbolize what used to be, and have no actual political power.
Obviously people in America care about it, or they wouldn't have made the Lifetime movie "William & Kate," which featured this extremely cheesy scene where William sings karaoke to Kate. Come on, people. Really?
A lot of women like royalty because they dream of being fairytale princesses. Or maybe they're just sheep. And remember when Prince William actually used to be hot? Then he went bald. I think my interest in him started to wane the more hair he lost, and I realized that even if he wanted to make me his princess, I'd be too turned off to oblige. Jesse has family in the U.K., so now it's time for him to shed some light on the subject.
Ahh! What the hell happened here?
Kyle says: I can't help it - I want to shake my fist and blast the Sex Pistols ("God save the Queen! The fascist regime!") - but it's not 1977, and I honestly can't summon the derision. Modern royalty spends most of its time advocating for charity, what's to rail against? Yeah, it's kind of goofy, and it reminds me of that hipster t-shirt that shows England, the Union Jack, and says, "Were #1." Without the apostrophe.
But I like a little bit of pageantry in state affairs, it's the same reason I like watching the presidential inauguration. And Lord of the Rings. Also, Prince William didn't ask to be born, he just was, like the rest of us. Except he's a Prince, so he marries a girl, and she might become Queen. Pretty simple really, so you go through the motions. As long as you go through them with a head on your shoulders, what's the problem?
And William and Kate actually seem pretty grounded - her parents are self-made people, and his mom was murdered by the cultural Zeitgeist. So he especially has no illusions about his place in the world. As for Jack's girlfriend's obsession with it, it's like any pop culture obsession, and I can understand why it freaks some people out. But it's not a dealbreaker. To me, it's the same as two D&D-loving redneck cousins who brawl over "Game of Thrones" on HBO. (Great show).
Confession: I have dual citizenship, I'm British and American. Triple, actually. I'm Irish too. Long story. So whenever I feel conflicted, I just put on Motorhead's version of 'God Save the Queen.' Because somewhere in L.A., Lemmy is not losing any sleep over this debate.
Let's hear it from our royal-haters. U.S.A! U.S.A!
Hey guys, I know there's all this royal wedding hype going on, but truthfully, I don't really care. My girlfriend on the other hand, is OBSESSED with it. She's been reading every news story online, and she even had a party at 4 AM to watch it on TV! What is the deal? And the weird thing is, I remember my mom being really into Princess Diana. My girlfriend obviously cares about the royal wedding, but do other people? I mean, is she one of the few Americans who actually gives a crap? --Jack, 30
Jessie says: Well, Jack, sadly... I think your girlfriend is not the only person in this country who actually cares about the wedding. I personally don't care about it. I happened to be awake as it was going down on TV, so I had it on in the background. But the royals are pretty useless, and I will never understand people's fascination with them. They're a bunch of over-privileged stuffed shirts who symbolize what used to be, and have no actual political power.
Obviously people in America care about it, or they wouldn't have made the Lifetime movie "William & Kate," which featured this extremely cheesy scene where William sings karaoke to Kate. Come on, people. Really?
A lot of women like royalty because they dream of being fairytale princesses. Or maybe they're just sheep. And remember when Prince William actually used to be hot? Then he went bald. I think my interest in him started to wane the more hair he lost, and I realized that even if he wanted to make me his princess, I'd be too turned off to oblige. Jesse has family in the U.K., so now it's time for him to shed some light on the subject.
Ahh! What the hell happened here?
Kyle says: I can't help it - I want to shake my fist and blast the Sex Pistols ("God save the Queen! The fascist regime!") - but it's not 1977, and I honestly can't summon the derision. Modern royalty spends most of its time advocating for charity, what's to rail against? Yeah, it's kind of goofy, and it reminds me of that hipster t-shirt that shows England, the Union Jack, and says, "Were #1." Without the apostrophe.
But I like a little bit of pageantry in state affairs, it's the same reason I like watching the presidential inauguration. And Lord of the Rings. Also, Prince William didn't ask to be born, he just was, like the rest of us. Except he's a Prince, so he marries a girl, and she might become Queen. Pretty simple really, so you go through the motions. As long as you go through them with a head on your shoulders, what's the problem?
And William and Kate actually seem pretty grounded - her parents are self-made people, and his mom was murdered by the cultural Zeitgeist. So he especially has no illusions about his place in the world. As for Jack's girlfriend's obsession with it, it's like any pop culture obsession, and I can understand why it freaks some people out. But it's not a dealbreaker. To me, it's the same as two D&D-loving redneck cousins who brawl over "Game of Thrones" on HBO. (Great show).
Confession: I have dual citizenship, I'm British and American. Triple, actually. I'm Irish too. Long story. So whenever I feel conflicted, I just put on Motorhead's version of 'God Save the Queen.' Because somewhere in L.A., Lemmy is not losing any sleep over this debate.
Let's hear it from our royal-haters. U.S.A! U.S.A!
[Got a question you'd like answered? Email us at wouldjessie@wouldjessie.com, or just write your question in the comments. And be sure to check out our Twitter feed.]
Is It Trashy for a Woman to Have Condoms?
El Toro Grande? I'm not familiar with this brand.
Will.I.Am did an interview with "Elle" magazine recently, and he said he'd never date a woman who had condoms in her house, because it's "tacky." Which brings us to our next reader question:
What's up guys. I've been on a few dates with a girl I'm really into, and last night, I went over to her apartment for the first time. I'm embarrassed to say it, but I looked through her medicine cabinet when I used her bathroom. And right there on one of the shelves was a stack of Trojan condoms. I couldn't believe they were right there, for anyone to see. Does that mean this girl is good-to-go at all times, with any guy? Or is it normal for women to have condoms in their bathroom? --Daniel, 32
Jessie says: There is NOTHING wrong with a woman who has condoms in her bathroom, or anywhere. Come on guys, enough with the double-standards, it's 2011. I'm sure Will.I.Am has boxes of condoms hidden in his dresser drawer, and that's totally fine with him. But he's not okay with a woman who might do the same? Nonsense.
(As a side note, a couple months ago Will.I.Am was in front of me in line at a grocery store in L.A. He was with his special lady, and they decided to buy produce... at midnight. I wish I could say they bought condoms, but they didn't. Still, random.)
Maybe I'm naive, and women who are confident sexually will always be viewed as sluts by guys. I'm 28 years old, and even when I was in a serious, monogamous relationship with a guy for three years, I made sure to have condoms in my medicine cabinet, even if I didn't use them. Does that make me "good-to-go?"
Daniel, you're 32, so I'm a little surprised. I would expect this question from someone younger than you. You're mature enough to know that single adults have sex. You should be jumping up and down with excitement that this woman is PROTECTING herself when she does it. Keep in mind, too, that you breached her trust by snooping through her private things. A medicine cabinet is very personal. Don't write the woman off for being safe.
Kyle says: Unfortunately, Daniel left out the best part of the story: what happened after you snooped through her cabinet and saw the condoms dude! Did you use one? How can you leave us hanging like that! Sorry, but we're all thinking it. Plus, it might shed a little light on your question. Because now I'm secretly wondering if you're sexually frustrated by that first uneventful night at her apartment, and pissed off that she didn't want to use one of her slutty condoms with you. I digress.
I'm glad she's cool and confident and doesn't care who sees where she keeps the condom stash. And since sometimes I get accused of not answering the question here at Jessie/Kyle: No, it doesn't mean she's good-to-go with any guy at any time. And no, it's probably NOT normal for women to keep condoms in their medicine cabinet. They probably have them stashed in a drawer like most guys.
Weigh in, faithful readers! Where's the weirdest place you've ever heard of hiding a condom supply? Or do you not hide them at all?
What's up guys. I've been on a few dates with a girl I'm really into, and last night, I went over to her apartment for the first time. I'm embarrassed to say it, but I looked through her medicine cabinet when I used her bathroom. And right there on one of the shelves was a stack of Trojan condoms. I couldn't believe they were right there, for anyone to see. Does that mean this girl is good-to-go at all times, with any guy? Or is it normal for women to have condoms in their bathroom? --Daniel, 32
Jessie says: There is NOTHING wrong with a woman who has condoms in her bathroom, or anywhere. Come on guys, enough with the double-standards, it's 2011. I'm sure Will.I.Am has boxes of condoms hidden in his dresser drawer, and that's totally fine with him. But he's not okay with a woman who might do the same? Nonsense.
(As a side note, a couple months ago Will.I.Am was in front of me in line at a grocery store in L.A. He was with his special lady, and they decided to buy produce... at midnight. I wish I could say they bought condoms, but they didn't. Still, random.)
Maybe I'm naive, and women who are confident sexually will always be viewed as sluts by guys. I'm 28 years old, and even when I was in a serious, monogamous relationship with a guy for three years, I made sure to have condoms in my medicine cabinet, even if I didn't use them. Does that make me "good-to-go?"
Daniel, you're 32, so I'm a little surprised. I would expect this question from someone younger than you. You're mature enough to know that single adults have sex. You should be jumping up and down with excitement that this woman is PROTECTING herself when she does it. Keep in mind, too, that you breached her trust by snooping through her private things. A medicine cabinet is very personal. Don't write the woman off for being safe.
Kyle says: Unfortunately, Daniel left out the best part of the story: what happened after you snooped through her cabinet and saw the condoms dude! Did you use one? How can you leave us hanging like that! Sorry, but we're all thinking it. Plus, it might shed a little light on your question. Because now I'm secretly wondering if you're sexually frustrated by that first uneventful night at her apartment, and pissed off that she didn't want to use one of her slutty condoms with you. I digress.
I'm glad she's cool and confident and doesn't care who sees where she keeps the condom stash. And since sometimes I get accused of not answering the question here at Jessie/Kyle: No, it doesn't mean she's good-to-go with any guy at any time. And no, it's probably NOT normal for women to keep condoms in their medicine cabinet. They probably have them stashed in a drawer like most guys.
Weigh in, faithful readers! Where's the weirdest place you've ever heard of hiding a condom supply? Or do you not hide them at all?
[Got a question you'd like answered? Email us at wouldjessie@wouldjessie.com, or just write your question in the comments. And be sure to check out our Twitter feed.]
How Long Does It Take to Forgive Someone?
Lindsay Lohan's appearance on "Leno" last night.
Last night, Lindsay Lohan did her PR stunt thing and appeared on "Leno" to talk about all the nonsense she's put herself through recently. If you don't know, she was sentenced last week to four months in jail for stealing a necklace, and she has to do community service as a janitor in a morgue for violating her probation. And yet, she got a standing ovation when she walked on the set. What's wrong with us that we reward these stupid celebrities? It reminds us of this question one of our readers asked:
I was with my ex for six years, he was like my best friend. We broke up when I found out he cheated on me, and since he was the person I was closest to, I never understood how he could do something like that to me. He says he only cheated on me once, and it was a mistake, and he was sorry, but I was so angry with him I ended it right then and there, and we haven't spoken for two years. To be honest, I miss him, and I miss being around him. He's been texting and calling me a lot lately, but I don't know if I can forgive him. How long should I punish my ex for hurting me the way he did? Would it be a bad idea to meet up with him?
Jessie says: I've never understood couples who can just reconcile after one person is unfaithful. It just seems so backwards to me. It's like David Arquette and Courteney Cox's weird relationship: she was totally fine that he slept with some random bartender, and they're only separated, not divorced. On "Letterman" she said she'd told Arquette that she could see him ending up with some chick named Tiffany or Brittany, and that she wants to come by and clean their house. That's just weird.
Six years is a long time to be with someone, and you develop a lot of trust, so I can understand how this must have been devastating. I can't even imagine the emotional turmoil you go through when that happens. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't think you should shut this guy out of your life entirely.
Now, let me clarify: I don't think you should get back together, but I don't think you should cut off all ties. Not after six years. The guy made a mistake, and maybe you can both learn from it and still be friends. Clearly, the relationship trust is totally blown, but it'd be such a waste to throw away everything you had together. But take it slowly. Maybe meet for coffee, then lunch, then eventually a drink. See where it goes. You owe it to yourself after six years of being with someone, yes?
Kyle says: I don't know, anonymous reader. I understand the need to forgive and get some closure. Obviously it's a powerful sentiment - the Leno audience sees Lohan in the flesh and they realize she's just a troubled young woman who needs positive encouragement. So yeah, forgive. But can't you just secretly forgive your guy and move on, without seeing him? What's the point of meeting up? You'll either A.) Forgive him and get back together. B.) Not forgive him but get back together anyway, based on old feelings. Or C.) Forgive him and not get back together.
But you could do that last one without seeing him, and without getting sucked back in. So the real question is, do you WANT to get back together? Are you just going back to the well because you haven't met anyone new yet? He said he was sorry. Accept it and move on, and find a cool new guy. Because if you start hanging out with this old guy again, it'll always gnaw at you that he betrayed you once. That's how I'd feel.
Don't you want to be stronger? With Courteney Cox and David Arquette, it's just depressing how he she has to accept his ass-clown ways. She's not getting any younger, so he can eff around, and she just has to accept it, because men don't have to grow up anymore? Weak sauce.
Okay ladies, let's hear from you: should our reader reconnect in person with her guy, or forget him and aim higher? And guys...stop cheating!
I was with my ex for six years, he was like my best friend. We broke up when I found out he cheated on me, and since he was the person I was closest to, I never understood how he could do something like that to me. He says he only cheated on me once, and it was a mistake, and he was sorry, but I was so angry with him I ended it right then and there, and we haven't spoken for two years. To be honest, I miss him, and I miss being around him. He's been texting and calling me a lot lately, but I don't know if I can forgive him. How long should I punish my ex for hurting me the way he did? Would it be a bad idea to meet up with him?
Jessie says: I've never understood couples who can just reconcile after one person is unfaithful. It just seems so backwards to me. It's like David Arquette and Courteney Cox's weird relationship: she was totally fine that he slept with some random bartender, and they're only separated, not divorced. On "Letterman" she said she'd told Arquette that she could see him ending up with some chick named Tiffany or Brittany, and that she wants to come by and clean their house. That's just weird.
Now, let me clarify: I don't think you should get back together, but I don't think you should cut off all ties. Not after six years. The guy made a mistake, and maybe you can both learn from it and still be friends. Clearly, the relationship trust is totally blown, but it'd be such a waste to throw away everything you had together. But take it slowly. Maybe meet for coffee, then lunch, then eventually a drink. See where it goes. You owe it to yourself after six years of being with someone, yes?
Kyle says: I don't know, anonymous reader. I understand the need to forgive and get some closure. Obviously it's a powerful sentiment - the Leno audience sees Lohan in the flesh and they realize she's just a troubled young woman who needs positive encouragement. So yeah, forgive. But can't you just secretly forgive your guy and move on, without seeing him? What's the point of meeting up? You'll either A.) Forgive him and get back together. B.) Not forgive him but get back together anyway, based on old feelings. Or C.) Forgive him and not get back together.
But you could do that last one without seeing him, and without getting sucked back in. So the real question is, do you WANT to get back together? Are you just going back to the well because you haven't met anyone new yet? He said he was sorry. Accept it and move on, and find a cool new guy. Because if you start hanging out with this old guy again, it'll always gnaw at you that he betrayed you once. That's how I'd feel.
Don't you want to be stronger? With Courteney Cox and David Arquette, it's just depressing how he she has to accept his ass-clown ways. She's not getting any younger, so he can eff around, and she just has to accept it, because men don't have to grow up anymore? Weak sauce.
Okay ladies, let's hear from you: should our reader reconnect in person with her guy, or forget him and aim higher? And guys...stop cheating!
[Got a question you'd like answered? Email us at wouldjessie@wouldjessie.com, or just write your question in the comments. And be sure to check out our Twitter feed.]
A Guy I'm Interested in Actually Wants to Vote for Donald Trump
What moron would mess with Travis Bickle? Seriously?
It seems like Donald Trump is starting beef with everyone these days. First it was Obama, then Jerry Seinfeld, and now Robert De Niro. When De Niro told Trump to chill out on the birther stuff, Trump said De Niro is "not the brightest bulb on the planet." (This is the part where your local news anchor says, "You talkin' to me?") A lot of people are entertained by the idea of Trump running for President. And De Niro did make three 'Focker' movies. But this is Don Corleone / Travis Bickle / Max Cady we're talking about here. And as for the seriousness of Trump's 'political' campaign, well, check out this next reader email:
"I met this attractive guy on Friday at happy hour, and we hit it off. On Sunday, we we went out on a brunch date. I don't even know how we got on the subject, but suddenly we were talking politics. He told me he hopes Donald Trump will run for president, because he wants to vote for him. Everything about this guy is great except for this one stupid thing. Is it possible this guy was kidding? Should I brush him off because he likes Trump? --Anonymous, 32
Jessie says: Oh boy, a political one. Well, not really 'political,' because Trump is just a blow-hard who's using the election to promote his crappy reality TV show. This is what we've come to, people. USA! USA!
I think if your new interest was joking, he would have laughed and said he was joking. I'm assuming he didn't do that, so he must actually want to vote for Trump. Which means you need to not hang out with him. It's not even a conservative versus liberal thing. It's a smart versus stupid thing.
You know how if a person talks about how much money they have, it means they're usually worried they don't have enough? It's the same with intelligence. Donald Trump goes around to all the news outlets and blabs about how smart he is and how stupid other people are. I've never seen a more blatant form of insecurity. He's an idiot, so he puts intelligent people down to make himself feel better.
Sorry, but I'm afraid that since your guy is associating himself with Trump, he might be an idiot too. Political views shouldn't be a big deal in a relationship, but intelligence is a deal breaker. Kick him to the curb. And let's not forget, Donald Trump has a great relationship with African Americans.
"I met this attractive guy on Friday at happy hour, and we hit it off. On Sunday, we we went out on a brunch date. I don't even know how we got on the subject, but suddenly we were talking politics. He told me he hopes Donald Trump will run for president, because he wants to vote for him. Everything about this guy is great except for this one stupid thing. Is it possible this guy was kidding? Should I brush him off because he likes Trump? --Anonymous, 32
Jessie says: Oh boy, a political one. Well, not really 'political,' because Trump is just a blow-hard who's using the election to promote his crappy reality TV show. This is what we've come to, people. USA! USA!
I think if your new interest was joking, he would have laughed and said he was joking. I'm assuming he didn't do that, so he must actually want to vote for Trump. Which means you need to not hang out with him. It's not even a conservative versus liberal thing. It's a smart versus stupid thing.
You know how if a person talks about how much money they have, it means they're usually worried they don't have enough? It's the same with intelligence. Donald Trump goes around to all the news outlets and blabs about how smart he is and how stupid other people are. I've never seen a more blatant form of insecurity. He's an idiot, so he puts intelligent people down to make himself feel better.
Sorry, but I'm afraid that since your guy is associating himself with Trump, he might be an idiot too. Political views shouldn't be a big deal in a relationship, but intelligence is a deal breaker. Kick him to the curb. And let's not forget, Donald Trump has a great relationship with African Americans.
"The blacks?"
Kyle says: I had no problem with Trump when he went after Obama. That's his prerogative as a potential political candidate for the Republican nomination. I don't even care that he brought up the birther thing. In fact, I enjoy it, because it turns the Republican challenge to Obama into a circus. By focusing on a crackpot conspiracy that's 100% nonexistent. I don't even have a problem with Trump going after Seinfeld, since Seinfeld bailed on a Trump charity appearance. (Jerry, just do the appearance. It's for charity. No one cares). But then Trump went after Bobby D. And that's not right.
Like all De Niro fans, I've been bummed by some of his hammy comedic turns in the last decade. Yeah, maybe he's phoning it in. But we're still talking about someone whose career has made New York City synonymous with toughness, intensity, determination, and grit. Trump? He's synonymous with cheez, false bravado, inflated profits, garish buildings, wrecked marriages, shameless self-promotion, bankruptcy, and reality TV schmaltz. In fact, maybe you COULD say that Trump is the real New York, and the real America. But if that's true, it's an America we need to move away from, and fast.
The more I think about it, the more Seinfeld and De Niro represent an iconic Hollywood side of New York that doesn't bother me at all. They're smart, self-deprecating, no BS, Italian/Jewish, and they paid their dues. Trump represents everything about New York and America that sucks right now. And while it's easy to pick on Trump, I don't do it lightly - he was willing to be roasted on Comedy Central for a great cause, he's been a charismatic figure over the last three decades of American popular culture, and he's always an entertaining guest on Howard Stern.
Yet the fact remains: the opening credits of "Taxi Driver" alone would be worth having - just the opening credits mind you, with the first strains of Bernard Herrmann's haunting final score - if it meant the slow, tortuous, painful, public, and shameful humiliation of one Donald J. Trump. But that's just my opinion.
Actually, it's not. It's fact.
[Got a question you'd like answered? Email us at wouldjessie@wouldjessie.com, or just write your question in the comments. And be sure to check out our Twitter feed.]
Is It Okay to Break Up With Someone In a Text Message?
Winning?
Supposedly one of Charlie Sheen's "goddesses," Bree Olson, broke up with him by text message. Perfect timing for this next reader email:
Hey Jessie and Jesse. I was dating this guy for a few months, and suddenly he stopped responding to my texts, we saw each other a lot less, and things felt weird. Finally he answered one of my texts...and said he didn't want to date me anymore! I feel like he should have shown me more respect, especially considering we slept together. Is it okay to end a relationship over a text message? --Penny, 19
Hey Jessie and Jesse. I was dating this guy for a few months, and suddenly he stopped responding to my texts, we saw each other a lot less, and things felt weird. Finally he answered one of my texts...and said he didn't want to date me anymore! I feel like he should have shown me more respect, especially considering we slept together. Is it okay to end a relationship over a text message? --Penny, 19
Jessie (the girl) says: Well, if it's Charlie Sheen who's being broken up with via text, then yeah, it's definitely okay. That guy needs to disappear, seriously. I think we've all had more than our fair share of his nonsensical ranting.
But normally, no. Breaking up with someone by text message is weak. People had the same issue when email was first becoming big, and even before then, when people broke up using...pagers? I don't know. Remember pagers? Ah, the early '90s. Anyway, Penny, you need to find this guy and give him a swift kick in the jewels for being so cowardly about the break up, especially since you two swapped fluids.
This is probably fake. But we still love it.
Granted, "a few months" isn't the longest time to date someone, but the fact that it was relatively serious leads me to believe this guy is a tool. Not quite "Ass Clown of the Month" material, but still a moron nonetheless. Oh, and we're currently taking applications for this month's Ass Clown. Please, send us your stories. And since we're on the subject of texts, check out this site: "Texts from Last Night." It's exactly like it sounds.
Jesse (the guy) says: Penny, I really don't think this guy broke up with you by text. Allow me to explain. You thought you were "dating" someone. He thought he was "hooking up with" someone. You don't break up with someone over text. But, you COULD effectively use a text to end the fact that you're occasionally seeing someone. Maybe it's not nice, but when things are super casual and you couldn't care less...who cares how you do it?
So, the issue here is perception. I don't think ANY guy would 'break up' with a girl using a text message. Not even a huge d-bag would do that. Sure, Bree Olson dumped Charlie Sheen that way. But A.) She didn't really dump him, she'll be back for more when she runs out of money and needs to ride the Sheen gravy train again, and B.) She's a porn star! Should we really use their lives as a measuring stick for the rest of us?
What's the lesson here people? Can we all agree that we'd never use a text to 'break up' with someone, and that Penny was deceiving herself?
[Got a question you'd like answered? Email us at wouldjessie@wouldjessie.com, or just write your question in the comments. And be sure to check out our Twitter feed.]
Is Flashing Ever Cool?
This lovely lady flashed a guy outside a jail where she was visiting a male inmate.
Happy Easter weekend! Or, if you're not religious, enjoy hunting for some 'Spring Spheres.' Anyway, it's a landmark here at What Would Jessie Do... we're answering a question that wasn't sent from one of our readers. Because all your questions sucked. Here we go...
The lovely lady above is a 19-year-old from Ohio who was arrested for public indecency...for flashing an inmate inside a jail, after she had visited him. Classy. Or, public service to the frustrated incarcerated? It got us thinking: is flashing ever cool?
Jessie (the girl) says: Flashing is flashing. You're out on the street, not lifting your shirt up at a rock concert so Bon Jovi can see your cans. The whole point of flashing is to get a reaction out of the victim and make them uncomfortable.
Although, men in general are slightly more perverted when it comes to women flashing, as is evidenced by this scene from "10 Things I Hate About You." Go to the scene at the 3:06 mark.
The lovely lady above is a 19-year-old from Ohio who was arrested for public indecency...for flashing an inmate inside a jail, after she had visited him. Classy. Or, public service to the frustrated incarcerated? It got us thinking: is flashing ever cool?
Jessie (the girl) says: Flashing is flashing. You're out on the street, not lifting your shirt up at a rock concert so Bon Jovi can see your cans. The whole point of flashing is to get a reaction out of the victim and make them uncomfortable.
Although, men in general are slightly more perverted when it comes to women flashing, as is evidenced by this scene from "10 Things I Hate About You." Go to the scene at the 3:06 mark.
Women are devastated by male flashers, and in the story we mentioned above, the woman was actually arrested. But how many times does a woman flash and she's not reprimanded? Why is it okay for women to flash but not men? This may be a slightly elementary view of things, but I think it's because breasts are generally a lot easier on the eyes than man-junk hanging right there in front of you. Jesse? Your thoughts?
Jesse (the guy) says: I used to think of flashing as a fun, harmless way to rebel against authority. I feel like every self-respecting 'slobs vs. snobs' comedy from the 80's featured kids mooning an uptight librarian, or a similar scene. But ever since Joe Francis turned it into creepy late-night Girls-Gone-Wild infomercial fodder for the barely-legal-loving raincoater crowd...not so much.
Then there's Mardis Gras, where the fun of partying down in the only part of the States that's funky, swampy, jazzy, French, and creole, has been completely eclipsed by d-bags chanting 'Show Your Tits!' There's only one crowd that still gets it right - metal concerts. This is where I disagree with Jessie, because that's still flashing. Metal chicks take their tops off to salute the rock gods of their dreams, and the guys around in the audience benefit. End of story. But you're not there to see boobs. You're there to see Metallica.
It's an important distinction. Flashing should be a kind of rare bonus, a silly act of defiance, a streak through the big tent at a late-night wedding reception by the lake. But it should never be the point of the gathering, because then it's ogling. Also, men should only moon, never...sun? Anyway, no male junk. Then the fun crashes into the mountain.
I think the real difference between me and Jessie is that I don't think the objective of flashing is necessarily to make a 'victim' feel 'uncomfortable.' It might be a salute, it might be rebelliousness. But I do agree on one thing - it almost always DOES make us feel uncomfortable. We're just not cool with the naked human form. The truth is that we're a bunch of prude, Puritanical Americans at heart. And there's not a damn thing we can do about it.
What do you people think? Is it okay for women to flash, but not guys? Would any guys be turned off by a woman flashing them on the street?
And if you're sick of pondering miracles this Easter weekend, just relax, sit back, and let the Insane Clown Posse do it for you:
Jesse (the guy) says: I used to think of flashing as a fun, harmless way to rebel against authority. I feel like every self-respecting 'slobs vs. snobs' comedy from the 80's featured kids mooning an uptight librarian, or a similar scene. But ever since Joe Francis turned it into creepy late-night Girls-Gone-Wild infomercial fodder for the barely-legal-loving raincoater crowd...not so much.
Then there's Mardis Gras, where the fun of partying down in the only part of the States that's funky, swampy, jazzy, French, and creole, has been completely eclipsed by d-bags chanting 'Show Your Tits!' There's only one crowd that still gets it right - metal concerts. This is where I disagree with Jessie, because that's still flashing. Metal chicks take their tops off to salute the rock gods of their dreams, and the guys around in the audience benefit. End of story. But you're not there to see boobs. You're there to see Metallica.
It's an important distinction. Flashing should be a kind of rare bonus, a silly act of defiance, a streak through the big tent at a late-night wedding reception by the lake. But it should never be the point of the gathering, because then it's ogling. Also, men should only moon, never...sun? Anyway, no male junk. Then the fun crashes into the mountain.
I think the real difference between me and Jessie is that I don't think the objective of flashing is necessarily to make a 'victim' feel 'uncomfortable.' It might be a salute, it might be rebelliousness. But I do agree on one thing - it almost always DOES make us feel uncomfortable. We're just not cool with the naked human form. The truth is that we're a bunch of prude, Puritanical Americans at heart. And there's not a damn thing we can do about it.
What do you people think? Is it okay for women to flash, but not guys? Would any guys be turned off by a woman flashing them on the street?
And if you're sick of pondering miracles this Easter weekend, just relax, sit back, and let the Insane Clown Posse do it for you:
"Effin' magnets, how do they work?"
[Got a question you'd like answered? Email us at wouldjessie@wouldjessie.com, or just write your question in the comments. And be sure to check out our Twitter feed.]
My Girlfriend Thinks She'll Make It As an Actress
Various actors in embarrassing commercials before they became famous.
Guys, I'm dating a girl who's pretty great, and we've been going out for two months. She's smart, funny, and attractive, and I like her a lot. The problem is, she's trying to make it as an actress. She's got decent chops, but I think she's done one Tampax commercial or something, so she's not necessarily getting the best parts. I think she needs to give it up and get a real job, because she's always low on money and struggling. I, on the other hand, prefer more stability. Will my girlfriend ever make it as an actress? Should I date someone who made a better career choice? --John, 28
Jessie (the girl) says: John, just to prove how slightly silly this question is, we compiled a video montage of famous celebrities and the embarrassing commercials they did before they were huge. Granted, the Zach Braff clip is from one of those "Babysitters Club" straight-to-video movies, but still, not the greatest gig in the world.
I once dated a guy who was trying to get into acting. At one point Jesse tried to make it as an actor. It's not all that uncommon, especially if you live in New York or Los Angeles. Regardless of whether or not you think your girlfriend's career choice is ridiculous, you have to be supportive. You do like her, right? Obviously you do or you wouldn't be dating her. She must have some redeeming qualities.
If the acting thing is the only problem you have with her, then I say: stick it out. She could be the next Evangeline Lilly or something, you never know. Then you'll be the guy who gets to sleep with the hot actress. Not too shabby, eh? Once your patience and her persistence finally pay off, and she becomes a huge A-list actress with guys fawning all over her and paparazzi everywhere... she'll probably dump you. Just kidding! Actually...make sure you always remind her YOU were the one who was there for her, just to be safe.
Jesse (the guy) says: John, you're in your twenties and it's only been two months. If you like this girl, date her. If you don't, don't. What are you, some kind of boring accountant or something? Actually, that would make sense, since A) It seems like you're inadvertently applying financial calculations to your personal life, and B.) Accountants tend to have financially stable careers, which explains why an actress would be drawn to you - their professional and personal lives tend to be a mess, so they like guys whose lives aren't as chaotic.
Remember, one national commercial, and she could live off it for a year. So that actually IS a great gig for an actress to land, and not necessarily and easy one to get. What's the stability you want, someone who has a 9 to 5 job? Someone who can pay for stuff occasionally? Both? I bring those up because I understand how it can be annoying to date someone who's CONSTANTLY stressed out about money. It's a total buzz kill, it'll stress you out too, and she's better off with someone who's more on her level.
But even when actors aren't completely freaked about about money, their professional lives will never really be 'stable,' it's the nature of being an artist. I remember when Terry O'Quinn, the guy who played Locke on 'Lost', did an interview with Jimmy Kimmel for his post-Lost finale show. Kimmel asked him, 'So who am I talking to, good Locke, or bad Locke?' And Terry responded: 'Unemployed Locke.'
I think you have to ask yourself - do want to date someone who's financially stable, or do you want to date someone who's less of a free-spirit? It's two different things.
Alright kids, let us know: are we over-complicating things here? Shouldn't love conquer all? Or something?
Jesse (the guy) says: John, you're in your twenties and it's only been two months. If you like this girl, date her. If you don't, don't. What are you, some kind of boring accountant or something? Actually, that would make sense, since A) It seems like you're inadvertently applying financial calculations to your personal life, and B.) Accountants tend to have financially stable careers, which explains why an actress would be drawn to you - their professional and personal lives tend to be a mess, so they like guys whose lives aren't as chaotic.
Remember, one national commercial, and she could live off it for a year. So that actually IS a great gig for an actress to land, and not necessarily and easy one to get. What's the stability you want, someone who has a 9 to 5 job? Someone who can pay for stuff occasionally? Both? I bring those up because I understand how it can be annoying to date someone who's CONSTANTLY stressed out about money. It's a total buzz kill, it'll stress you out too, and she's better off with someone who's more on her level.
But even when actors aren't completely freaked about about money, their professional lives will never really be 'stable,' it's the nature of being an artist. I remember when Terry O'Quinn, the guy who played Locke on 'Lost', did an interview with Jimmy Kimmel for his post-Lost finale show. Kimmel asked him, 'So who am I talking to, good Locke, or bad Locke?' And Terry responded: 'Unemployed Locke.'
I think you have to ask yourself - do want to date someone who's financially stable, or do you want to date someone who's less of a free-spirit? It's two different things.
Alright kids, let us know: are we over-complicating things here? Shouldn't love conquer all? Or something?
[Got a question you'd like answered? Email us at wouldjessie@wouldjessie.com, or just write your question in the comments. And be sure to check out our Twitter feed.]
Why Does My Boyfriend Pee Outside?
Aim high, boys.
Hey guys - My boyfriend and I like to go out on weekends to bars and clubs. But every time he gets hammered he wants to pee outside the bar, or in the grass when we're walking back to our apartment. It's really weird. It's like he can't wait to find a bathroom, or doesn't want to, so he just goes wherever he wants. Why? We're not in college anymore. Jesse, please tell me you don't do this, right? It's disgusting! How do I make him stop! --Anonymous, 24
Jessie (the girl) says: I've seen my fair share of men peeing outside, both in fiction and in real life. The real life incidents never amuse me (homeless men on Hollywood Blvd. with their wangs out aren't that charming), but there are so many scenes in movies of guys peeing on things that are funny. This is a great one:
"You see what happens, Lebowski? You see what happens?"
My favorite, of course, is this scene from "War of the Roses" where Michael Douglas talks about how he's going to "piss on the fish" at a dinner party, and then you actually see him peeing... on fish... while standing on a chair above the oven. Such a lost classic. [I'm sure I'm forgetting some. If you can think of more movie pee scenes, please feel free to add them to the comments.]
I never really understood why men do this; I don't know if it's a convenience thing, or if it's something their lazy dads had them do when they were younger that just stuck. Regardless, it's disgusting and unfair to boot. Maybe the reason women are so repulsed by it is because deep down we secretly wish we were able to do it ourselves, but our instruments don't allow us to get away with it.
'Anonymous,' sadly, you're not alone. Women everywhere have tried to prevent their boyfriends from peeing outside, and few have been able to change the pattern. I'm afraid it's something you're just going to have to live with. Tell him that if he's gonna do it to make it so you don't have to see the waterworks. Or just don't go out with him when he gets plastered. Either way.
Jesse (the guy) says: Peeing in the shower, peeing in the sink, peeing outside. When they asked me why I did it, I said it's like climbing Everest: "Because it's there!"
Look ladies, don't hate because you can't mark your territory. Look at it this way: more and more men have been rocking the metrosexual look in recent years. And even more have learned that that traditional 'manly' way of approaching family, work, and relationships was a counterproductive fraud invented by repressed dudes in the 50's. So we're evolving. This is a good thing.
But while the old emotional and psychological trappings associated with being a guy can and should be deconstructed, certain biological aspects of being a man are not only here to stay, they're here to be celebrated. Namely - we can pee standing up. I think what you're seeing is that as men feel the pressure to grow up, connect with their emotions, and drop the macho posing that was once associated with masculinity, they're 'rebelling' by doing the the things that only men can do. Or, maybe we just LIKE peeing on stuff.
Guys, back me up here, one way or the other. Because I'm NOT willing to admit that it's JUST a sign of immaturity. Women use that argument all the time, and it can't explain EVERYTHING.
Jessie (the girl) says: I've seen my fair share of men peeing outside, both in fiction and in real life. The real life incidents never amuse me (homeless men on Hollywood Blvd. with their wangs out aren't that charming), but there are so many scenes in movies of guys peeing on things that are funny. This is a great one:
"You see what happens, Lebowski? You see what happens?"
My favorite, of course, is this scene from "War of the Roses" where Michael Douglas talks about how he's going to "piss on the fish" at a dinner party, and then you actually see him peeing... on fish... while standing on a chair above the oven. Such a lost classic. [I'm sure I'm forgetting some. If you can think of more movie pee scenes, please feel free to add them to the comments.]
I never really understood why men do this; I don't know if it's a convenience thing, or if it's something their lazy dads had them do when they were younger that just stuck. Regardless, it's disgusting and unfair to boot. Maybe the reason women are so repulsed by it is because deep down we secretly wish we were able to do it ourselves, but our instruments don't allow us to get away with it.
'Anonymous,' sadly, you're not alone. Women everywhere have tried to prevent their boyfriends from peeing outside, and few have been able to change the pattern. I'm afraid it's something you're just going to have to live with. Tell him that if he's gonna do it to make it so you don't have to see the waterworks. Or just don't go out with him when he gets plastered. Either way.
Jesse (the guy) says: Peeing in the shower, peeing in the sink, peeing outside. When they asked me why I did it, I said it's like climbing Everest: "Because it's there!"
Look ladies, don't hate because you can't mark your territory. Look at it this way: more and more men have been rocking the metrosexual look in recent years. And even more have learned that that traditional 'manly' way of approaching family, work, and relationships was a counterproductive fraud invented by repressed dudes in the 50's. So we're evolving. This is a good thing.
But while the old emotional and psychological trappings associated with being a guy can and should be deconstructed, certain biological aspects of being a man are not only here to stay, they're here to be celebrated. Namely - we can pee standing up. I think what you're seeing is that as men feel the pressure to grow up, connect with their emotions, and drop the macho posing that was once associated with masculinity, they're 'rebelling' by doing the the things that only men can do. Or, maybe we just LIKE peeing on stuff.
Guys, back me up here, one way or the other. Because I'm NOT willing to admit that it's JUST a sign of immaturity. Women use that argument all the time, and it can't explain EVERYTHING.
[Got a question you'd like answered? Email us at wouldjessie@wouldjessie.com, or just write your question in the comments. And be sure to check out our Twitter feed.]